Blaming the Mothers- another trick of patriarchy’s to ensure that kids (read daughters) stay under control

My hair was all tangled & parted unevenly.
A friend, looking at my hair, said jokingly, “How your mother put up with you? If I were your mother, I’d have given you one on the bum and made you comb.”
I looked taken aback for 2 seconds.
And then, “what makes you think that my mother haven’t tried everything and its just that I’m ‘unmanageable & disobedient’?”

This is just one instance. What is it with blaming the mothers? Nothing but a big manipulation our society pulls on the young ones.
Wear western clothes, question your religion, value your independence, refuse to marry until ready or voice against injustice around you…
Next you (and your mother) like cockroaches in the science lab become targets for some meaty character dissection.
Since choices are mine, the consequences should also be mine, right? Why my mother gets the lion’s share of the blame?
They say- Had my mother brought me up well without giving me too much freedom, I would have been a good obedient daughter.

PS: The thing is my mother did all she could to make me a good Indian Muslim girl. For some reason it didn’t work.

“Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of Tomorrow,
Which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams."


  1. I must, must, must make my MIL read those lines by Khalil Gibran.

    From what I have seen, it is not just the society that blames the mothers, it is the mothers that join in in doing a self character dissection. My MIL atleast, keeps wondering where she went wrong, just because her son thinks so differently from her. I feel sorry for her and really want her to realise she is NOT responsible for the way he turned out to be.

  2. I love Gibran's lines. And I want to remember this when I have kids too.

  3. Excellent quotes of Gibran :)

    1. Yes Danita...
      I plan to frame this poem and hang in the room when my partner and I get pregnant.

  4. Hey Nidaa. Yes I fully agree to you.

    I think it is to instill a fear that if you don't act as considered "appropriate" for a girl, your mom will be blamed. To save your mom the agony, you act appropriate. Have experienced it and it disgusts me. I hate people who do it. Hate is a very strong word. Still.... I can't help hating them.

  5. Hello there... :)
    Well... I dont think Hate is a strong enough word here when I think of how miserable people have made me and my mother (especially my mother) with their thoughtless tongue. We Indian kids spend most of out time and energy on these futile stuffs na?