Those days & Ina Mina Dika Times…

Some people have a way of influencing or even inspiring your life, decisions and all those crap in a totally unexpected & weird way…
Last weekend I was at Pecos with friends, Eric Clapton’s Layla playing in the background. Quite a huge relief that it wasn’t Akon or Justin Bieber! Not that I hate Bieber with a passion like some of my friends, but c’mon they play it everywhere…

Layla is close to my heart for 2 reasons. One its my Mumm’s name and two its IG and my song. For all those mad times we had in my & later her hostel room, Layla was a constant thingy. Burnt bed sheet, night time chicken cooking, ‘accidental’ smoke holes on my curtain, combine studies, assignments, Dariya Ganj n Pahar Ganj, our shifting n reshiftings, discussions on anythin & everythin under the sun, and OF COURSE lotsa bitching & cribbing…

And oh, even in Bangalore times (Nandi Hills trek & Koshy’s chit chats), I could feel the presence of Layla.

IG and my friendship was far from perfect. I used to easily misunderstand her, plagued by what they call the ‘small town’ complex and reinforced by my other friends.

One of my biggest flaws is that I find it difficult to trust. Instead I’d entertained thoughts like ‘why would someone as intelligent, pretty & popular (universally loved) chum up with me’. May be I resented the tag of ‘IG’s friend’? I don’t know… This in spite of her being there for me whenever I needed her and when not needed too. Ghoshhh… Immature college years, I tell you!

I never realized how much she has influenced me then… She has taught me to see good in everyone, every bad situation, just everything man…
I never realized this until one of my Kerala friends told me, ‘For God’s sake N, Have you joined sainthood or something?’ This was when she was random bitching about someone and IG’s words sprang out of my mouth… ‘You can’t judge like that… Look at it from her perspective…’ something like that.

I learned to let go of things from her, to forgive and move on…
‘Hate is a big word, N. And don’t you forget that…’

My uninhibited approach in relationships & people came from her.
She always used to say, ‘N, will this matter to you this much, sayyy next week?’

My life in metros opened my eyes to countless grey shades of life. But now I come to think of it, most of ‘em came from IG…

Is Live-in relationship a sign of liberalism or just an excuse?

A reunion at a friend's place... you know those talks about everything and nothing pushed by alcohol? It turned into a 'live-in-relationship or not' debate.

The concept of live-in rel had fascinated me at one point of time. The idea of defying social norms and being in charge of my life, sexuality and all the rest of it... Wow! Or is it the sheer free-thinking spirit of it? I don't know... I was all for it. But now? The funniest bit was I never even realized that I'd changed my views on it.

My friends looked at me as if I’d grown an extra head. They couldn’t imagine how I turned some sati-savitri all of a sudden! I know around a dozen couples who are/were in live-in. And all of them were abusive; mostly physical. May be those gruesome stories changed my mind. Then someone told me that I shouldn’t generalize live-ins to be bad based on those incidents, like those uncle-aunts saying that love marriages will never sustain.

But don’t we all formulate our views based on what we/our people experience?

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Incident 1: I visited my friend who was sharing a 1 bhk with her bf. She was washing 2 bucketfuls of his clothes, including undergarments. For some reason, the sight of men’s underwear always grosses me out (my problem ). Well, its not that I’m against partners doing things for one another. But she suffers from severe backpain and he knew it. Not to mention emotional abuses and all the rest of it. Basically she was not happy. But it took her a long time to break it off with him.

Incident 2: Another friend decided to move in with her bf and we all met up at Mocha to celebrate. He was amazing, funny and intelligent with a Shahid Kapoor kinda cute face. We all loved him instantly. He made us laugh nonstop. He was ever the gentleman and dropped us back to hostel.

She stopped coming to college, stopped calling us. I didn’t think much of it. Friends do take a backseat when you’re in a new relationship. 4 months later I got a call from hospital. Her mother, who thinks that her daughter is in hostel! When I went there I was shocked. She was black and blue. God, alone knows how I managed to lie to aunty...

Incident 3: In this case it’s the guy. She put a full stop to all his bloke-time after they got together. Calling him every 5 minutes even in the middle of meetings, sometimes to check where he is or see if his line is engaged. I’m already sick of giving him the same advice. Break up! But according to him, when you look at the bigger picture, this nagging counts as nothing. And he needs a bigger reason to break up. Otherwise he’d end up being the villain. Thanks to her, hes now friendless and scared of being lonely. Hes still with her, unhappy but together.

Incident 4: Its not just students whos vulnerable and cling to abusive relationships, but high-flying professionals too. In this case, he made her sever ties with all her friends and even family. He used to beat her for speaking to other guys; check her calls and emails. It took 7 months and plenty of my talktime to convince her to escape.

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And I can go on and on… May be its not the fault of the live-in system. Personally speaking, I don’t think Indians are ready for this. We are still so stuck in our so-called culture, conditioning and all those crap. Even when one moves in, she has this guilt-thing that ‘I’m doing something wrong’ at the back of her mind. If you yourself are not convinced why take this step? Or is it the sex? Yea, live-in gives a perfect platform to have sex. But come on… you don’t need to move in with someone to have sex. You-are-Adult, your life, decision and all that?

Isn’t moving in a bigger step than sex in a relationship? People become so weak emotionally… Isn’t love supposed to make people stronger and push them forward? Or am I stuck in some Utopian timezone?

Here are some million-dollar dialogues from my live-in friends-

“I’m scared to break up N. Anyway I gotta get married no? What if my future husband finds about this? He will divorce me. So better I stay with this guy only even if he beats me”. Some liberalness!

“He always makeup after a fight with gifts and pampering (fight here means beating). Then I feel bad and try to move on”. Nice technique, making the abused feel bad!

“He keeps threatening to send our pics to my dad. I don’t have any escape”. Last time I checked, blackmailing is a crime even in India.

“She cries at the slightest hint of break up. I can’t handle that. I want to find a way so that she won’t be hurt”. When? In next birth?

These are the stories of my friends and college students I counsel. And I have their permission.

Okay Universe, I said I have had enough excitement for say, a month or so, after that mugging incident. And its NOT one month yet. I mean, c'mon give me a break! Or is it too much to ask you? Why don't you give virtual heart attacks to some others for a change?

Its like this... My phone fell down from the third floor window as I was guppa-fying with my friends. Down down down and it crashed just near where my friend parked her 'knight'. Numbly, I registered Rachel and Pallavi race down. But someone else reached there first. He picked up all the bits and pieces and deposited them in Rachel's hands as she came down. 

Then just as I was about to hyperventilate, she came running upstairs saying, "your phone is awesome. its still intact. Nidaa.. Nidaa.. See? Your phone is intact. You know what, I'm gifting this to my bro"!!

Take that all of you who have said/thought my phone as 'Blackberry Ape'. Its KARBONN K46! Get it?

For staring out aloud

“You look terrible”!

Wow, what a great greeting. I was at the airport to receive my friend. It was almost a year since I spoke to her last when she called in the middle of night and said, “dude you stay in an induvi place in Delhi right?”

“Yea…” I said cautiously. You never know with her. A tank if there is one.

“Cool! I am coming there next week. I will sms the details, come to IGI… I am in a mood to be pampered”

When are you not! I felt like asking.

I was not in a mood to have company and God knows how long she’l stay. I was getting quite comfy with my routine. Karate in the morning, work, tennis in the evening, cooking, studying and singing myself to sleep. I limited my socializing considerably (Saturdays). With her landing everything would get topsy-turvy.

I didn’t know whether to glower or smile. I pulled myself together. After all, shes coming here all the way from Hyderabad to catch up the good ol times. There is no need for a tantrum display in front of her. So I left for the airport with a good grace. To be honest, by each minute I was getting more and more thrilled. Now things will happen.

And there she was running towards me, coming to a sudden halt and scrutinizing. My kajal was smudged and hair resembled a hedgehog’s back. Eyes were tired due to extra practice and studies.

“Nid, I ran away from home. I will just find a job here and settle. I didn’t waste time acting shocked. Nothing will surprise me about this girl. You won’t believe her types exist unless you meet one. And you have to be exceedingly lucky or unfortunate enough.

Oh reason why she ran away? She doesn’t want to marry her bf. After some dramatic fights, her parents and his parents finally agreed and now she is not sure she wants that. Yea, don’t even try to fathom her. But I could kinda understand where shes from.

I was tempted to inform her mom but she quelled me with a ‘DON’T YOU DARE’! Personally I agree. Indian parents sometimes ask for sharp lessons like these. When she expressed her doubts to her parents they all fell into brainwashing cum emotional blackmailing tactics and all the rest. Come on, there is more to life than saving your face in society.

She got a job in 2 days. It is Delhi after all. Lying on the terrace with a glass of red wine we listened to instrumental music all night. “Mmm… I am relaxing like this after sooo long”. That of course was a lie. You might say its impossible. That girl is always happy. I have never seen a more insensitive positive brat. But I was feeling content after so long and it was there to stay. I became beautiful again.

May be she did come at the right time! Now that I have moved out of Delhi we have not seen each other for months. May be we will… quite soon :)