Something always stops you somehow…

…from forgiving snitches.

Sometimes when I relive rare and typical moments of school memory lanes, it often ends up bittersweet. Today I got an FB friend request from an old forgotten classmate. I hated her. Not only was a goody-two shoes teacher’s pet, one day she shouted out in class that I’d forgotten my notebook and was actually writing notes in rough note book, causing me to be beaten on my knuckles with a wooden ruler. I remember ambushing her to a bathroom, delivering a punch on the nose and running off, scared stiff. For some reason and to my great relief, she never complained. But we remained enemies throughout school. 

Trust me, the beatings/canings were really not that big a deal. I used to get them on a daily basis from both school and ‘madrasa’ (Islamic studies class). Often these beatings were, thanks to darling snitches that seemed to be buzzing around everywhere. 

Every day I used to make an oath – Today there won’t be any trouble with teachers or students. But it always happened. Either there would be punishments for speaking Malayalam or forgotten homework or tiffs with classmates or something else.

I think my sense of independence and eccentric love for freedom were literally molded by these snitches only. Because my bitterness and anger with the situation predictably led me to have thoughts like, ‘why do teachers listen to what kids say in matters like these', 'why can't people mind their own ass for a change' etc. 

I remember in my class 8, a girl was caught n a date by teachers. Her best friend snitched probably thinking she was doing a great social service. The drama followed was horrendous. More rules in an already too-strict convent school, parents meetings, endless discussions, tears… In short, the girl’s reputation was ruined. Everybody shunned her. Treated her like a criminal. Yea, like nobody remotely even heard of the concept of dating! She shifted to another school.

Kids can be pretty cruel. I agree with whoever said this. 

Then a reversal of roles happened. I became a teacher’s pet. 3 teachers, in fact. One was the most formidable, another was the coolest and the third was an ice cold exterior with a golden heart if you dig deeper. Of course being noticed for something other than trouble was quite nice for a change. That was when I finally accepted that teachers too are human. I got my chance to snitch as I had teachers practically hanging on my words. But it somehow wouldn’t come. Even about my enemies. That was one of the proudest moments. YES, I was loyal to my classmates even though I'm not friends with half of them. 

After 10th I was glad to go to a new school, where rules were relaxed. But there was no escaping from snitches of course. Someone reported me climbing over the wall behind canteen and bunking school on a regular basis. TROUBLE. And I still don’t know who was as jobless as that. But after that snitches never directly affected me. Though I hardly know most of my classmates even now, I was vaguely aware that tattlers were causing many dramas in people’s lives. Teachers actually appointed spies to find out the petty things going on in class, usually dating and such. And if enough proof was collected, parents were summoned. YEA… this happened. 

I myself was a witness to my class teacher publicly humiliating a parent because his daughter was seeing someone. I mean, what were we supposed to do? Ignore the guys' charm and pretend to be asexual? Sorry, I don't think that girls are made like that. Then WHAT exactly? I'm still clueless.

One thing, college was a completely snitch-free zone. May be because teachers care two hoots about the supposed dating or bunking or boozing. May be because students have each others’ back whether they like each other or not. May be everybody had a life. May be ‘they’ finally accepted that we are adults (though I somehow doubt it). 

Now in work life, snitching is not that uncommon, though people do it stealthily and subtly. Yet we all deal with it admirably, being calm, composed and smiley. Well, we are professionals after all.


A blasting weekend can lead to lazy thoughts

It was bad enough 2 years ago. Everywhere I go aunties and grannies (neighbours/relatives) pestering me/my mother about my marriage. First they were like she must be having a boyfriend, might be waiting for him to get settled in a job. Later some of them started expressing concerns that I might be homosexual. But pesterings to be continued! 

Currently my friends are trying to push me into marriage because I am ‘getting old’. Can you believe that? Is my mother bribing them? Hmm…

Now I have been in a few relationships and all; they were quite nice guys too, yet the rel were short-lived. I did blame myself because I ended up hurting people. I want to let out a secret here. I always pretended to be hurt because I was scared that my friends would think me an insensitive slut. I am insensitive, but I’m no slut (though I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sluts). So I used to mope for a while and then its back to life. But the truth is that I was absolutely unfazed by my break-ups. 

After pondering for a while on a useless afternoon I came to this conclusion that it all comes to gender disparity.
We are 3 girls. But I've always had a shrewd suspicion that if one of us was a boy, he would have gotten special treatment from my parents. This hit me particularly hard when my mother suggested that my nephew learns karate. He is not sporty type and enjoys cartoons, books and maths. Yup, a 4-eyed geek. I couldn't help but remember begging my mumm to let me join a karate class. 

Sometimes people says that if I had a brother I wouldn’t have been this stubborn, unruly, rebellious and whatever. I shudder at the thought of having a brother and thank god daily for not giving me one, though I do feel bad for my parents. After my marriage they will be alone. I have seen my friends (who are brothers) ‘controlling’ their sisters by checking their phones, emails, not allowing them to wear jeans and such. 

One of my Xes wanted me to shun my ‘intellectual’ look (like loose kurta/pants and yea looks are deceiving) and adopt a gaudy avatar. Another wanted me to stop talking to other guys, take it to the next level (I think he meant sex) and so on. I still think they were nice. But either I am weird or they are!

For those who say, ‘you have to adjust some…’, I absolutely refuse to compromise my freedom, independence, views and all those crap for any guy. Independence and freedom are the most addictive drugs in the world. Now that I have tasted it, I don’t want to give up. 

Coming back to the present, I overheard a few guys at a party saying that how ‘good’ girls are hard to find. Not aunties or potential mother-in-laws but young IT types. Girls are so spoilt, demanding and unadjustable (is that a word?)… you get the gist.

This set me thinking… Where does this leave girls like me? I am difficult and independent as I have every right to be. I cant pretend that I am not worried. Will I get someone who thinks similar (similar, not same) to me. A companion? Soul-mate? Will I find love?

And if not, will I have to make the best of what I get by adjusting, compromising and changing my ideas to suit ‘his’? I would rather stay single all life like I do now than delude myself. Because I feel that living your way is more important than having a husband. 

May be my arguments are one-sided and selfish. But what to do. This is what I feel.


Midnight Concoctions

I was watching the RG Verma’s thriller flick, ‘Kaun’. It was past 10 past one. I felt like I was being watched but it was probably to do with that film. Suddenly I felt my throat itching. Scratching my neck didn’t help either. 
Someone has said that ginger is a good cure for that. But who eats ginger? So I mashed the ginger and put it in boiled water. Then with a sudden stroke of inspiration I added pepper, lemon juice, sugar, salt and cumin seeds.
Hmm… It was alright I guess. Anyway I felt perfectly fine after having a cup. That’s what matters, isn’t it?


For staring out aloud

“You look terrible”!
Wow, what a great greeting. I was at the airport to receive my friend. It was almost a year since I spoke to her last when she called in the middle of night and said, “dude you stay in an induvi place in Delhi right?”
“Yea…” I said cautiously. You never know with her. A tank if there is one.
“Cool! I am coming there next week. I will sms the details, come to IGI… I am in a mood to be pampered”
When are you not! I felt like asking.
I was not in a mood to have company and God knows how long she’l stay. I was getting quite comfy with my routine. Karate in the morning, work, tennis in the evening, cooking, studying and singing myself to sleep. I limited my socializing considerably (Saturdays). With her landing everything would get topsy-turvy.
I didn’t know whether to glower or smile. I pulled myself together. After all, shes coming here all the way from Hyderabad to catch up the good ol times. There is no need for a tantrum display in front of her. So I left for the airport with a good grace. To be honest, by each minute I was getting more and more thrilled. Now things will happen.
And there she was running towards me, coming to a sudden halt and scrutinizing. My kajal was smudged and hair resembled a hedgehog’s back. Eyes were tired due to extra practice and studies.
“Nid, I ran away from home. I will just find a job here and settle. I didn’t waste time acting shocked. Nothing will surprise me about this girl. You won’t believe her types exist unless you meet one. And you have to be exceedingly lucky or unfortunate enough.
Oh reason why she ran away? She doesn’t want to marry her bf. After some dramatic fights, her parents and his parents finally agreed and now she is not sure she wants that. Yea, don’t even try to fathom her. But I could kinda understand where shes from.
I was tempted to inform her mom but she quelled me with a ‘DON’T YOU DARE’! Personally I agree. Indian parents sometimes ask for sharp lessons like these. When she expressed her doubts to her parents they all fell into brainwashing cum emotional blackmailing tactics and all the rest. Come on, there is more to life than saving your face in society.
She got a job in 2 days. It is Delhi after all. Lying on the terrace with a glass of red wine we listened to instrumental music all night. “Mmm… I am relaxing like this after sooo long”. That of course was a lie. You might say its impossible. That girl is always happy. I have never seen a more insensitive positive brat. But I was feeling content after so long and it was there to stay. I became beautiful again.
May be she did come at the right time! Now that I have moved out of Delhi we have not seen each other for months. May be we will… quite soon :)

Love is really strange. I don't know why is it so difficult to stay without it or forget it once it happens to you. And the effects are the same for so-called strong people as well. I wish I was not so obviously mesmerized by it though.