About Consent, Kiss of Love & Minding Our Own Business

Consent- "agreement or permission to do or allow something" (Oxford Dictionary)

Sounds simple enough right? Sadly this concept is beyond many as many incidents of moral police like the vandalism of Downtown cafĂ© in Calicut and the arrest of ‘Kiss of Love’ campaigners today and many other previous isolated attacks proved.

Agree that seeing couples make out can be a tad uncomfortable for some. But don’t you have the option to turn away or even leave the place? It is you who choose to get uncomfortable/angry/violent.
May be you should try kissing your partner and see for yourself what is so wrong about it…? You might enjoy it. You might even get used to it and not bat an eye when you see smooching lovebirds in future.

Does one have the right to walk over to a couple and pull them apart forcibly? Who is the criminal here? The kisser or the assaulter?

Now what is it about kissing or loving or even lust or passion by adults (above 18, of free will) that makes the self-appointed guardians of our Mahan Kerala culture go crazy?

1. Our culture glorifies infantilizing adults:
Every independent decision is frowned upon until & unless it hits gold. Like my R aunty who was ostracized by her family because she married someone of her own will and then everyone flocked to her when her husband became a successful entrepreneur – ‘we always knew she will do well in life’.

2. Parents (or any powerful elderly in the family) know best card:
Society judge a guardian based on the amount of control he/she exerts over their wards. This carrot and stick approach has always worked in manipulating parents to mould their kids to the societal expectations.

3. Our society is a sucker for Manusmriti…
… or atleast its golden words, ‘women do not deserve freedom’. Not allowed an identity of her own, a woman is always mother, daughter, sister, wife, or daughter-in-law. And of course unless an unwed mother discloses how she conceived, her child cannot apply for passport. Funny how the person who popped out the baby has no right but the one she says is the father has every right!

4. If-you-don’t-like-it-ban-it attitude:
Its like 'I don’t like pet animals, so anybody who dares to pet any animal in public should be arrested'. Not getting enough action? Go stop others who are getting it by hook or crook because its against our culture and definitely not because no girl worth her name would ever glance at you.

5. Sexual frustration of Mallus:
Unfortunately no one can help with this. We are talking about people who never spoke to a girl/boy in college/school. Porn is their sex education. A fulfilled relationship with compatibility, mutual respect, love and passion is probably fiction for them.

World will be a much better place if everyone ‘minds their own business’, na?


I Wish...

... that people would stop dissecting my decisions
... that my insecurities and vulnerabilities would stay under the rock forever
... that people would voice their concerns to a limited extent
... that nosy aunties nosed less
... that folks with wheels stop poking their head out and spewing random comments/advises
... that people would stop making a big deal out of breasts and thighs and all those. Erm, normal body parts?

... I could handle unpleasant situations with a calm demeanor
... I could be more stingy with my tears
... I could start reading like I did before
... I could start travelling with the old gusto

... to stop dumping my pain on others
... to make her understand that attitude and crude rudeness are not one and the same
... to hit my 30s soon and shave off my locks
... to be more accommodating of differences without which there will be no completion

... for my current bucket list to get over
... and make way for the new one


5 Kinds of Old People I Just Can't Respect


1. "I am like your mother":
This is often followed or preceded by some advice/demand you don'e need to hear. Sorry boss. You're not my mother. That place is already filled.
Incident: A lady asked (ordered to get up) me to give up my corner seat in bus. I kept quiet and it was driving her mad judging by the increasing volume. Then ending with a 'wouldn't you obey if I was your mother'? I looked at her and said simply 'of course not'.

2. "My son this and that and his cultured upbringing":
Yawn! Not-so-subtle insinuations about my upbringing! Yawn! To rectify that, keep visiting. A spoonful a day...

3. Starting every sentence with "you see I am very busy"
Yes, yes, you are very busy and quite important. (Let me go!!!)

4. "Pity that Mrs So-and-so's baby is black"/"Sad that the second one is also a girl again"
In my experience, it is the oldies who pass the most insensitive remarks like these, be it about someone's baby, a bride, or random someone walking down the path.
Personally know people who refuse to touch dark-complexioned babies.

5. "I am well-read and knowledgeable..." (Don't argue with me)
May be I am judgmental, but the moment a person, old or young, flaunts knowledge (rub it n my face), respect he loses my respect.

Do people really take leave of their sense and sensibilities with age? I would have really believed so if not for some of the super chilled-out grans and granpas I know and am chuddy-buddies with. No, nothing to do with education either.
If only it was as simple as 'age guarantees wisdom'... How easy everything would be. No mistakes, no experiments. It'd be as simple as hopping from old footprints to older footprints.

I don't agree

with the concept of Nikaah...

I learned about Nikaah from Madrasa when I was a child. I have seen it happen in my family many times. Then I had to study (by heart) marriage laws in India during my Masters.
For those who don't know, Nikaah (Islam Marriage) is a social contract between the bride's male guardian (father or elder brother/uncle in father's absence). The bride's signature is obtained beforehand and hence the presence of the girl is unnecessary.

Since I always preferred staying home or doing something else to attending weddings, I was all for the concept of Nikaah when I was a child. It meant that I could curl up with a book instead of dressing up and attend weddings because girls/women are not required to attend it.

But now I chafe at the sheer injustice. No matter from which angle I look at it, it seems unfair.
Take selling your car/property to another, for instance. Isn't this exact change of ownership happening in traditional weddings? Let's try and word it like - Father/Guardian giving the daughter as wife. Even replacing the word 'selling' with 'giving' doesn't gloss it over for me. The similarity makes me shudder.

Of course this is no different from Kanyadaan or walking the bride down the aisle. That is why I think that the Indian Constitution is awesome with its Special Marriage Act.

I never dared to say all this before. But I have to. I feel that my pride is at sake. My honour too. Everything I believe in is at stake.


Work Ethics- A Phone Convo

Newly Joined Trainee: "Hey Sir... Soch rahi thi ki aaj chutti maaroo"
Manager: "Erm... you mean tumhe chutti chahiye"

Disclaimer: This from someone who is a master of miscommunication.


I attended a friend's daughter's birthday party last week. It was as noisy as a school playground. I had a classic 'what the hell am I doing here' expression on my face. KIDS!!!
After the party, one kid had grabbed a teddy bear and it looked like he was going to take it home. I expected his mother to say something. But nay. In the end, my friend called that lady to a corner and said, 'thats K's favourite toy. Could you tell S to leave it here, please?' As expected, the mother got all offended and I will leave the rest of the drama to your imagination.

I think that my friend did right. But later the story got so much embellished that the general response went something like 'what a bitch'.

When I remember my mumm's 'we'll get another toy like that for you dear. Let him/her take it', I still think that my friend did absolutely right.


How I wish schools encouraged sex education & open discussion !
How I wish people understand the meaning of 'freedom of expression'!
How I wish that they appreciate & accept differences as long as they're not harmful!
How I wish people would embrace the concept of 'live and let live'!

Be a homophobic for all I care. But is it necessary to persecute homosexuals?
Why do you care about what they do in their bedrooms?

I am mortally scared of dogs. Does that mean I incarcerate or kill them all?
My fear doesn't give me the right to harass, harm or kill!