A blasting weekend can lead to lazy thoughts

It was bad enough 2 years ago. Everywhere I go aunties and grannies (neighbours/relatives) pestering me/my mother about my marriage. First they were like she must be having a boyfriend, might be waiting for him to get settled in a job. Later some of them started expressing concerns that I might be homosexual. But pesterings to be continued! 

Currently my friends are trying to push me into marriage because I am ‘getting old’. Can you believe that? Is my mother bribing them? Hmm…

Now I have been in a few relationships and all; they were quite nice guys too, yet the rel were short-lived. I did blame myself because I ended up hurting people. I want to let out a secret here. I always pretended to be hurt because I was scared that my friends would think me an insensitive slut. I am insensitive, but I’m no slut (though I don’t think there’s anything wrong with sluts). So I used to mope for a while and then its back to life. But the truth is that I was absolutely unfazed by my break-ups. 

After pondering for a while on a useless afternoon I came to this conclusion that it all comes to gender disparity.
We are 3 girls. But I've always had a shrewd suspicion that if one of us was a boy, he would have gotten special treatment from my parents. This hit me particularly hard when my mother suggested that my nephew learns karate. He is not sporty type and enjoys cartoons, books and maths. Yup, a 4-eyed geek. I couldn't help but remember begging my mumm to let me join a karate class. 

Sometimes people says that if I had a brother I wouldn’t have been this stubborn, unruly, rebellious and whatever. I shudder at the thought of having a brother and thank god daily for not giving me one, though I do feel bad for my parents. After my marriage they will be alone. I have seen my friends (who are brothers) ‘controlling’ their sisters by checking their phones, emails, not allowing them to wear jeans and such. 

One of my Xes wanted me to shun my ‘intellectual’ look (like loose kurta/pants and yea looks are deceiving) and adopt a gaudy avatar. Another wanted me to stop talking to other guys, take it to the next level (I think he meant sex) and so on. I still think they were nice. But either I am weird or they are!

For those who say, ‘you have to adjust some…’, I absolutely refuse to compromise my freedom, independence, views and all those crap for any guy. Independence and freedom are the most addictive drugs in the world. Now that I have tasted it, I don’t want to give up. 

Coming back to the present, I overheard a few guys at a party saying that how ‘good’ girls are hard to find. Not aunties or potential mother-in-laws but young IT types. Girls are so spoilt, demanding and unadjustable (is that a word?)… you get the gist.

This set me thinking… Where does this leave girls like me? I am difficult and independent as I have every right to be. I cant pretend that I am not worried. Will I get someone who thinks similar (similar, not same) to me. A companion? Soul-mate? Will I find love?

And if not, will I have to make the best of what I get by adjusting, compromising and changing my ideas to suit ‘his’? I would rather stay single all life like I do now than delude myself. Because I feel that living your way is more important than having a husband. 

May be my arguments are one-sided and selfish. But what to do. This is what I feel.