About Consent, Kiss of Love & Minding Our Own Business

Consent- "agreement or permission to do or allow something" (Oxford Dictionary)

Sounds simple enough right? Sadly this concept is beyond many as many incidents of moral police like the vandalism of Downtown cafĂ© in Calicut and the arrest of ‘Kiss of Love’ campaigners today and many other previous isolated attacks proved.

Agree that seeing couples make out can be a tad uncomfortable for some. But don’t you have the option to turn away or even leave the place? It is you who choose to get uncomfortable/angry/violent.
May be you should try kissing your partner and see for yourself what is so wrong about it…? You might enjoy it. You might even get used to it and not bat an eye when you see smooching lovebirds in future.

Does one have the right to walk over to a couple and pull them apart forcibly? Who is the criminal here? The kisser or the assaulter?

Now what is it about kissing or loving or even lust or passion by adults (above 18, of free will) that makes the self-appointed guardians of our Mahan Kerala culture go crazy?

1. Our culture glorifies infantilizing adults:
Every independent decision is frowned upon until & unless it hits gold. Like my R aunty who was ostracized by her family because she married someone of her own will and then everyone flocked to her when her husband became a successful entrepreneur – ‘we always knew she will do well in life’.

2. Parents (or any powerful elderly in the family) know best card:
Society judge a guardian based on the amount of control he/she exerts over their wards. This carrot and stick approach has always worked in manipulating parents to mould their kids to the societal expectations.

3. Our society is a sucker for Manusmriti…
… or atleast its golden words, ‘women do not deserve freedom’. Not allowed an identity of her own, a woman is always mother, daughter, sister, wife, or daughter-in-law. And of course unless an unwed mother discloses how she conceived, her child cannot apply for passport. Funny how the person who popped out the baby has no right but the one she says is the father has every right!

4. If-you-don’t-like-it-ban-it attitude:
Its like 'I don’t like pet animals, so anybody who dares to pet any animal in public should be arrested'. Not getting enough action? Go stop others who are getting it by hook or crook because its against our culture and definitely not because no girl worth her name would ever glance at you.

5. Sexual frustration of Mallus:
Unfortunately no one can help with this. We are talking about people who never spoke to a girl/boy in college/school. Porn is their sex education. A fulfilled relationship with compatibility, mutual respect, love and passion is probably fiction for them.

World will be a much better place if everyone ‘minds their own business’, na?


  1. "There is nothing in our religion that says we cannot speak out against injustice"
    Yorkshire Muslim teenage girl tells of grooming ordeal

  2. Nice post Nidaa. I don't see why positive things like love and happiness and freedom are frowned upon in our society. My first time here. I will read your other posts as well, slowly:) Just wanted to let you know - your site requires users to enter the captcha code and username each time to submit comment. If you can make it easier for users to comment (ask for id only to first time users), you may get more comments.

  3. Every word, true. I wonder when it will all change?